Sad, Fat Luck

by Ceschi

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released April 4, 2019


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Fake Four Inc. New Haven, Connecticut

Fake Four Inc. is a record label based in New Haven, CT that specializes in experimental hip hop, indie pop and anything else we like.


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Track Name: Lost Touch

Feet stuck in the mud
Lord have mercy on your soul
Shit whiskey in a gold cup
You’re immersed in it
Broke every bone in your body just to fit into a box
Lost touch like my pinky
No more fingerprint traces
It’s worse when you think that you’ve got it all figured out
Never even had a doubt
Then the world ends
Not flat, not round
It’s worse when you think that you had her all figured out
Then she spit into your mouth
The game won’t give no slack when a motherfucker stops putting work in
I’ve seen good men lose everything
From retirement pension to each hair on their head
They may say make lemonade
But it’s hard when your boss wouldn’t piss on the flames that engulf you
Let alone give a nickel in change for your grave when the job’s through
Everything everything everything’s ok
Long as you live
Long as you work
Long as you listen
Long as you pay
Long as you pray
Lived on top of the world in the past
But who owned that world?
And who profited off your broken back?
Who stole your soul?
“Suck it up bald baby”
They’re screaming from the tip top of a skyscraper
“Time is money like a Rolex wrist watch”
You’re a bitch on this prison block
Seems that’s there’s always gonna be
A monster feasting
Off the salt of the earth
Imposters leeching off of weaklings
That’ll eat anything they feed them freely
Is freedom still a thing that you believe in?
Is freedom still a thing that we believe in?
I want to believe that we are more than blind complacency
Call it naive or just faith in humanity
“Everything’s ok”
Track Name: Jobs

My friends go to jail a lot
Mid 30s burning wondering what future we all got
Never wanted real jobs
Rather cook rocks
Or kick rocks
Spit quick rhymes that piss off dick cops or Kid Rock
Time flies
Just dissolves
Flick of a wrist watch
How long till my ticker stops?
Will you miss me when I’m gone?
13th floor elevator song
What’s your response?
Ripped off by a system of sick gods
False as Rick Ross
And big bosses forcing farces [like]
“Trickle down economics”
Capital grips us all
Whether we like it or not
Like a virus violently entering up inside us
50 ps in a duffel bag
Keep an eye out for the man
Keep the Waze on
Do not blaze inside the car
Autobahn [automatic ban]
Can’t believe
Made Mami’s yearly salary in 2 weeks
Fast life, baby, might be a short life
What a god damn trip this life be
Fucked me roughly in the Cross Club bathroom
Felt like love for a minute but that wasn’t true • Castles in Praha
Bridges Kafka walked on
October is over
They’ll say sorry for your loss
There’s another emoji of a sad crying face
Tasted scraps of fame and am already sick of the game.
Track Name: Sad, Fat Luck

There are some moments I want to forget
Like the night I broke your heart in Vegas, I regret
Everything’s costing an arm and a leg
But your loss has been the biggest expense yet
I’ve seen so many souls come and go from this world that my heart has grown bitter and cold
Running away from the inevitable is stupid I know this
Reality is a kick in the face but I’m hoping to focus
Running away from the inevitable is stupid I know this
But I’ve been beating up all my demons with both fists
Everything’s costing an arm and a leg, and a heart and a head
I’m ready for anything
Waiting for this to end
Another back is stabbed
Back to back deaths and casual sex
Acting happy while actually depressed
Paint that clown face on for the audience
They’ll sing along to songs about your illness
Realize I never gave a fuck about success
But this is the only job that I can still get before I’m past tense
That’s word to my dead friends
Each night feels like it might be my last show
My fans party on blow while I’m crying and old and sober
Trapped inside their iPhone photo folders with those ghosts of Christmas past and laughs from back before good times were over
Turn on the autopilot and my answer is “No, no!”
Dangle a carrot in front of me
Fuck that
“Yes, Yes!”
Yoko Ono
Get that?!
Thought about sleeping on bridges in Europe but tired of living the life of an ex-pat loner
My body is here but I’m dying to go home
Wishing that I could feel love again but I’ve been out of control and solo
Everything’s costing an arm and a leg, and a heart and a head
I’m ready for anything
Waiting for this to end
The glory on stage don’t last enough
Night after night still trying to catch that rush
They’re watching me hang myself for rounds of applause
Back in your town again like a half-assed Santa Claus with bags of merch at a truck stop whistling Christmas tunes at the gas pump
Feel like Pat and wanna quit rap and punk
Half my friends are dead from tragic accidents, bad habits and madness and the other half’s locked up
If I’m ever done from an airplane crash or drugs
Just call it what it was mufucka that Sad, Fat Luck
That’s Sad, Fat Luck
If you’ve gotta ask “what’s love?”
That’s Sad, Fat Luck
If you’re in a casket young
That’s Sad Fat Luck
And if you can’t stand this song
Here’s half a fuck
Been inhibited by the fact that I’m miserable and I don’t got any particular vision of living to build
In the middle of critical minutes wishing to feel the finish of quitting my physical when the moments were difficult
It’s ridiculous being so fucking overly cynical
When I’m really seeking pivotal change
Sickening to be acting like a typical man
Don’t remember the women that I’ve been sticking my dick into
Fully faking the funk and I feel the fucking is pitiful
What’s the apple I bit into?
Is the worm or the apple more sinful?
Man I’ve been faking the funk and I feel the fucking is pitiful
Run Lola run
Fast as you can
Please start again
I got the bends
Somebody fix my Radiohead
Without guns
Without meds
In reality I love you too much to want to be dragging you through mud in a Never Ending Story horse’s death
I’m forced to rest
Like oldest tortoises or crying Orbison
Divorce your gorgeousness
The most important things have been written then torn to shreds
Still mourn and wish that I was born equipped
It hurts us both, I think
Like growth of bones - it stings.
Track Name: The Gospel

Make it feel better
Make it heal
Make it end, please
Baby, make it feel so good
Make it cotton candy
Oxycontin candy
I want you to know right now
I want you more right now
I want you
Maybe more than ever
Taste heaven inside you
By the time that I’m empty and quiet I realize what love can do
It can make even tame dogs violent
It’ll stare you in the face and laugh
Take away your pain then bring it back
It’ll kiss you on the lips so fast
revert you to a kid then stab your back
Told me you were searching for a God
Sounded like you were giving up
We can watch our bodies fall apart
They can call it modern art
No more need for questions
All the answers packaged
In a pretty pink form
In a pretty red form
A pretty green
Papi hid you in the top drawer with the cottons and the stick pins
Half dead man in a living room
We were all born victims
That don’t mean shit
Nothing’s prettier to any human being than this meaningless existence
Full of wish after wish after wish
Guts all scattered on the floor, Picasso
Injured bird in your palm
We will all be fossils
But for now, let’s feel less awful
Tread lightly
Walk slow
That’s the gospel
That’s the gospel
That’s the God
I want you to know right now.
Track Name: Daybreak

Break all my bones
I’ll wait for them to grow
Then I will crawl my way out from this hole
The act of patience can be painfully slow
By daybreak you’ll be on your own
I had to let you go.
Cuz it ain’t right to keep you floating in limbo
As my life leads me onto uncertain roads
There’s an oil painting of a martyr with his head served upon a plate for Kings to laugh at
There’s another painting of a 30-something saint shot by arrows for his faith in one man
By daybreak I will have grown old
Just hope to God you know that I still loved you even when it didn’t show
And I will love you after everything erodes.
Track Name: Take It All Back (Parts 1-4)
LYRICS (Parts 1-4)

Part 1 - CORMAC

On “the road” again
that was a reference to Cormac McCarthy
33, still singing “Fuck the police” while the mark of the beast surrounds me through targeted marketing
Awfully ominous, aren’t we?
I’ma be honest with all of these zombies making a mockery out of humanity... thinking that a meme is a revolutionary strategy
Please try to dream bigger than a five-inch screen
I’ll fight & scream
Even if they don’t hear me
Never wanted to be anything better than anybody
Only want to think up possibilities for everybody getting a little more free but we’re still trapped in a prison of debt because of corporate greed
That’s gangster shit
Keep most poor while the few stay rich
They tell me “that’s how it is”
But I want to believe in more than this
Been a captain of a slow sinking ship
Got locked up cuz a motherfucker never snitched
Life can change so quick
Grandpa’s gone, little brother had a kid
Still singing these songs
Don’t know how to quit
They tell me that I got a Peter Pan complex heading to my middle age - not grown yet
If growing up means settling for the least evil in a race between rats
I don’t know about that
I don’t know about that
Wish I could take it all back.

Part 2 - SxE YOUTH

Was a straight edge youth with broken noses
Watching friends throw away youth through overdoses
We sang Minor Threat while dad smoked crack in Jersey
We sang Bad Brains PMA
Take It All Back
Wish I could take it all back
Take It All Back
Wish I could take it all back.


Head in a lion’s mouth
Oh, this silence feels so dumb
We’ve lost so many times
Wouldn’t notice if we won
Feel sorry for me!
I am a human, self-aware
Please don’t ignore me!
I am a human
Life’s unfair
(boo hoo)
One by one we’ll spill our guts on the floor
One by one we’ll dry up
Children burst into flames on a battlefield somewhere
But my insides are numb and I’m struggling to care
Feel sorry for me!
I am a human, unprepared
Please just reward me!
I am a human!
You should care!


Is anything relevant?
Is there anything else worth mentioning?
Show me your belief and I’ll question it
While they’re waiting for Jesus to resurrect
We’re stuck in a system that will never represent most of us residents
I’m fucked and a felon
Tough luck
All the debt’s piled up to my neck
So, what?
I’ll go a little bit insane
with a 9-millimeter to the brain
Every other rap is another bad attempt to redefine pain
Teen angst never left these veins
Guess that I can’t win if I don’t pay
The sting of failure never fades away
But it’s all ok
David Bowie’s ghost told me that
we could be heroes one day
Been this way since I can remember
Really don’t think it’ll get much better
35 candles dripping on a birthday cake and I’m still living like a damn rebel
I don’t get a boss... don’t worship any corpse on a cross... never went to temple or mosque
I barely got a cause, but I still pray for the human race in my own way: every word, each song.
Track Name: Say No More

Found out today, another homie hit the hay
Another one bought the farm
But I’m still on my D game
Haven’t yet failed
Came close, tasted deep betrayal
But I’m still on this god damn trail even if I got Feds on my tail
Oh lord
Teach me differences between right and wrong
Oh lord
Show me that you exist at all
Oh lord
Teach me differences between right and wrong
Oh lord
Teach me how to exist at all
Say no more
Devil he came and he went with stench of an opiate death on his breath
Some days only want to run away but the chains won’t let
Not a god damn thing changed yet
And I’m left with a mess on my hands
I’m a wreck of a man
Yolk everywhere, nest egg cracked all over the body bag
Half wanna take it back
Half only want more and more and
Hope and a prayer won’t hold you tight when you’re cold and aware that you’re losing a fight for your life to the night
Darkness is a trick and it bites like
Pain, Money, Stress, Hate, Wickedness
Claimed many friends
Ain’t gonna pretend that AA or any religion saves
in the end when an AK’s aimed at your head
Oh lord
Teach me differences between right and wrong
Oh lord
Teach me how you exist at all
Oh lord
Teach me differences between right and wrong
Oh lord
Remind me how to believe at all.
Track Name: Electrocardiographs

Catholic school boys rule
9 fingers to the sun
Happy you’re “Woke.”
I woke up fully clothed and broke as fuck
So repressed that I cringe when British folks say the word cunt
Systemically made us felons so we would never hold their guns
Only hire shooters
Never been to Hooters
If this was Los Angeles in ‘92 I’d be a looter
Kanye sends dick pics
I send dog pics
How the hell am I 36 and so fucking defiant?
Swam back to the trap, noticed most trap rappers are clients
Like clockwork, our country’s blessed and obsessed with ultra-violence
Working in the drug world you see a lot of grown men crying
I was actually born in July, most these guys are Leos, lion
Touch a lot of dollars, all of it I owe to others
Never wanted to fuck with crack after I saw it fuck my father
This life has a lot to offer
Sweet poisonous kisses from the lips of priests or devils’ daughters
Precious vixen mistresses quick to spit the venom in sync with several sicknesses
Severing heads with liquid sedatives
Sentiments slide like sedimentary mud
These fuckers won’t take me alive or touch what I’ve done
They’re not breaking my prime (*was supposed to say pride but I fucked up and kept it)
Man, I’m too fat to run so I’ll dive
Holy fuck!
Like the body of Christ inside of a nun’s cunt
“No. No. No. That’s too much!
You’re supposed to pose as a poet not grow into another punch-drunk-punk.”
Today I’m overthinking of a population that voted for Trump
Of that one time in junior high when a little boy called me skunk
Because he saw my skin was light but I wasn’t white enough
Thought English wasn’t my mother tongue because my family was Puerto Rican
Suburban Connecticut kids laughed at a name that sounded foreign
Never quite fit in with other ones on the teacher’s attendance list
In California, when I was eleven they asked me to “talk Mexican.”
Got so sick of explaining... eventually I just said yes
“Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes! That’s fine!”
Everything is a test
Everything falls in line, like flat ones on electrocardiographs when we die
Everything is a test
“I against, I against, I”
In the meantime, use those brains to redefine that life
Everything is a test
Everything falls in line, like flat ones on electrocardiographs when we die.
Track Name: Middle Earth feat. Sammus

Slipping my way through the cracks and I hope you don’t overreact when my body collapses
I’ve been wandering hoping to find my own place on this planet
I’ve been up in the middle of it
I’ve been up in the middle of it
In the middle earth
I’ve been nothing but real with you
Till the dirt

Is honesty overrated?
How many times have I said the same the same thing in new ways?
Start to think it’s the way that my life’s gonna be and I guess that’s ok
Wanted to be a grunge singer when I was child
Grew up fast and wild
Now the crow’s feet are crawling all over my face every time that I smile
What you know about being decapitated while your body still rolls around aimlessly?
Is there a way for me to face my infinite demons and maintain a sense of stability?
Hustling for pennies like I was still 14
I ain’t ready to grow up
“Just wasn’t made for these times ”
Realize I will never blow up and that’s fine
I’m not Cobain or Cornell or Layne
I’m just floating inside my own lane
Every word that I’m singing is plain
Just hoping that someone out there can relate
And there’s times when I hate my brain
Want to drive directly into trees
Think of 6 million ways to stop breathing when my heart is pounding from the anxiety
Every year it gets sadder and fatter till the point that you realize none of it matters much
For the minutes we have on this planet we’re seeking love, and that’s more than enough
Call it what you want
Call it God
Call it your freedom
That connection between living beings is a powerful thing, and that’s real to us

Slipping my way through the cracks
Slipping my way through the cracks
And I know she don’t love me like that
I know she don’t love me like that,
Not the game nor the lady,
maybe neither of them gonna love me back

I am a middle child
It took me a little while
To stop tryna get the approval of others
It’s better than living life in denial
My worst fear’s to be middling in my nightmares I’m a kid again
And my teacher is asking my chosen career
I deceive her ‘cuz that’s what adults want to hear
They like doctors, firefighters
Not a future that’s odd like it’s Tyler’s
It’s probably a sign I can’t lie through my teeth I was missing my two front incisors
But now I sink my canines into sound rhymes like they steak knives
Anxiety tried me, I’ve died, been revived
So I’m trying to hold onto my eight lives
And I cannot pretend I could handle it if I ended up in middle management
Yeah I have to be fucking with something I love if I’m burning both ends of my candle stick
And even then I’m a little carp busy giving birth to a great tale
To my biggest fans I am Joan of Arc walking middle earth in my chain mail.

Slipping my way through the cracks and I hope you don’t overreact when my body collapses
I’ve been wandering hoping to find my own place on this planet
I’ve been up in the middle of it
I’ve been up in the middle of it
In the middle earth
I’ve been nothing but real with you
Till the dirt
Track Name: Sans Soleil

This has been an awfully costly trip
Taking many parts of me with it
Taken away
Finished with the talking about it
Most my words are hardly making sense anyway
This has been an awfully costly trip but this planet hasn’t lost me yet
Take it away
This has been an awfully costly trip but my body hasn’t rotted yet
Sans Soleil
Wrote another eulogy for a friend that will stay hidden inside a notepad
Never to be read
On a plane, again
Devastated while all these strangers are staring with mouths agape at my face, as if they pity some sort of elephant man
Listening to “Love Song For Dead Che” (by United States of America)
Followed by “The Requiem”
Thinking of short lives
How Amadeus (Mozart) was 35 when he died, yet somehow I’m alive
With both feet standing Galápagos Island... where Darwin spent five weeks to be immortalized
I’m only discovering ways to hide this heart pounding anxiety from my mother’s eyes
I feel her sensing that I’m not fine, and she’s right
She sees the creases on my forehead grow darker from feeling the cold breath of death on the back of my neck each night
NaNaNa NaNaNa NaNaNa
Wrote a song for Rob called “Survival Part 1”
Wrote one for Maria called “July It Snowed”
Can’t believe we lost you Sixo
Fucking hate the fact that you never got the chance to see your beautiful girls grow
Bender’s mother handed me a painting of her son smiling
I miss the way he drunk dialed me to speak in Blood Meridian wildly
They kicked me out of Canada
Never saw him again
Niles and I talked death
About the times we felt numb enough to make life end
A year ago he wrote he had a year left
Still didn’t want to believe it when I received the text
Cleaned his house spotless
Fed the pets
Wrote a short note
Put a rope around his neck
Feel bad I never wrote back about that Death Grips track
I was hating, now I’ll listen back
J, Bryan, AJ, Noah - Fucking smack
Such beautiful art stopped dead in its tracks by track marks
Figurines of sad, fat luck cats sit armless in bodegas
Wish I could have saved you
Wish I could have saved you all
I wish I saved you
Today the perfectly curated image galleries of their lives are left on social media sites
Frozen in time
Pretty girls on the internet ask me if I’m fine
I reply “I’m alive, alright?”.
Track Name: Any War feat. Astronautalis

We have been broken, and we have been beaten, and we have been stuck to the bottom floor
But we are focused and we still believe in the chance that the world could be so much more
Our planet’s eroding but we’ll still be growing and we’ll still be growing and we’ll still be ready for anything.
Ready for anything
Ready for any war

Top of the morning, fought my way out of a dream, I was soaring forty stories.
Now I’m back on my feet and the earth is crumbling below me
I can feel it disintegrating into infinite pebbles in space
I can see us becoming nothing
I can smell the eruption and face every minute of pain
Can’t settle for psychopath leaders
I want to believe in the people
I want to believe we could be living equally.
Call me naïve or a dreamer
I want to believe in you
If more of us could see we don’t need them, lived peacefully without the fucking police or a prison
Without a religion, it’s faith.
Alter the human condition.
This ain’t rapping
I’m vomiting honesty, really not promising anything
Born as the type to demolish a tower then build again
Fuck a minuteman
Ain’t no sympathy for the devil and we’re running away from God
Don’t be afraid of these laws
Break them, erase them, replace it all
We may be defeated, but life is too short to be stepped on and treated like cretins
I mean every word of it
Stop being comfortable with your subservience
Permanent vermin in office are burning us all to a crisp while we’re watching our bodies ignite into flames
Ain’t no fucking game
Keep on living, defending each other.
We’ll find a way

I wasn’t born upon the fourth of July
But I’m the son of a dozen soldiers soldiers and living through war all the time
I thought I told ya told ya told ya I ain’t never scared
But once you sobered sobered sobered
I saw that it wasn’t a god damned lie
So fuck it man, let us in there ain’t no heaven or hell
All we really need is us and some food on the shelf
A box a bullets
Fuck your pulpit
Fuck your power and wealth
We can push it we can pull it till it topples on down
Statues fall and they crumble easier than they built
Ain’t no small, ain’t no humble when there’s anger and will.
Yeah you stand tall if you want to but you just walkin on stilts
We kick them shits
You hit the bricks
Are you still feelin yourself?
And I’m like AYE!
I see that Black Bloc and that Antifa on FRONT PAGE
And I’m laughing when they sucker punched that
That alt-right gets goodnight and caught FADES
So, expect us, respect us, or PAY.
Track Name: Downtown (Majical Cloudz Cover)

Nothing you say
Will ever be wrong
'Cause it just feels good being in your arms
And I'm running with you
As fast as I can
Singing to myself I wanna hold your hand
And we're going downtown
'Cause we feel like running around
Is it really this fun when you're on my mind
Is it really this cool to be in your life
There's one thing I'll do
If it ever goes wrong
I'll write you into my all of my songs
And if suddenly I die
I hope they will say
That he was obsessed and it was okay
'Cause we're going downtown
And we feel like running around
Is it really this fun when you're on my mind
Is it really this cool to be in your life
And I'm going crazy
Crazy for you
I'm going crazy
Crazy for you
I'm going crazy
Crazy for you
I'm going crazy
Crazy for you
For you
Track Name: Bona Drag Tape

Getting old
Balls growing longer
Gandalf gray Ear hairs like Grandfather
This must be the feeling of waking naked in tundra
Fat bones, Miss milk and sunny summers
Not a good look like me 2-day stubble
Hit the king with left hooks, start a royal rumble
Word to mother
All my ex-girlfriends are mothers
Baby brother’s having babies
Still worry my mother
In 1990 wanted to be Dikembe Mutombo
Now I’m 5’10” something and still can’t dunk though
Just grew up to be like Big Pun eating Mofongo
Where my phone go?
Where my fun go?
Uh oh
On the internet a right-winger called me cuckold
Forget about it fucko
Rest for a whole note
This must be the feeling of being buried in rubble
This must be the feeling of fleeing from certain trouble
This must be the feeling of sighing out of relief before they lock you up or put your ass to sleep
Tonight, I believe I am the Mohegan Sun of God
Blackjack table and my cock’s rock hard
Recurring dreaming of being taken out by cops
Therapist told me I got some PTSD problems
Dream punches never land
Thrice broken arm, filled to the brim with a titanium rod
Those bones never really heal, they stay splintered
Not a great look like Connecticut winters
Pretty for a day
Shitty for a month
Trying to make a buck finding new ways to say
“I don’t give a fuck”
Youth flew by faster than a pog craze
Geckos and Marine world Africa USA
Long gone slap bracelets
Foggy east bay
Green dinosaur cake
Baby when I’m gone you will miss my hairy face and the way my lips taste sipping Old Colony grape
Just promise that you’ll love me like my Bona Drag tape
I will always love you like my Bona Drag tape
You got me through some long days when money was gone, bay
Sad drives back from the casino with negative pay
Listening to Phil Elverum every day
Sometimes I feel as if I need to punch shitty people
I have seen the Juggalo painted faces of evil
I have seen a crack cookie cooking, dirty needles
I have seen a glass stem hold a mini-rose through a foggy 7-11 window
Behind the counter one can hear the beautiful jazzy warble of Rhodes hovering there over a shotgun fully loaded
Pretty sure this music will not heal your broken bones
Pretty sure this music cannot mend my broken bones
They ask me what it sounds like in Europe, I don’t know
Ask me what it sounds like at Christmas, I don’t know
Just promise that you’ll love me like that Bona Drag tape
I will always love you like my Bona Drag tape
If I French kiss this gun, feel the cold steel on my tongue
Picture me happy for once
Remember me when I am dead and gone
Hope they feed my body to a tree & not a grave
Hope they send my ashes into deepest darkest space
With the monkey from the cover of the Doolittle case
Hope they make me into something more than more waste.

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