Sad, Fat Luck

from by Ceschi

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Written on the autobahn September 2018 driving too fast via voice memos and in gas station parking lots. It’s a song about depression on tour. It’s a song about processing death. It’s a song about hurting people you love while in the fog of depression. It’s a song about questioning whether or not this music career is healthy. That’s all I can say. The lyrics say the rest.



There are some moments I want to forget
Like the night I broke your heart in Vegas, I regret
Everything’s costing an arm and a leg
But your loss has been the biggest expense yet
I’ve seen so many souls come and go from this world that my heart has grown bitter and cold
Running away from the inevitable is stupid I know this
Reality is a kick in the face but I’m hoping to focus
Running away from the inevitable is stupid I know this
But I’ve been beating up all my demons with both fists
Everything’s costing an arm and a leg, and a heart and a head
I’m ready for anything
Waiting for this to end
Another back is stabbed
Back to back deaths and casual sex
Acting happy while actually depressed
Paint that clown face on for the audience
They’ll sing along to songs about your illness
Realize I never gave a fuck about success
But this is the only job that I can still get before I’m past tense
That’s word to my dead friends
Each night feels like it might be my last show
My fans party on blow while I’m crying and old and sober
Trapped inside their iPhone photo folders with those ghosts of Christmas past and laughs from back before good times were over
Turn on the autopilot and my answer is “No, no!”
Dangle a carrot in front of me
Fuck that
“Yes, Yes!”
Yoko Ono
Get that?!
Thought about sleeping on bridges in Europe but tired of living the life of an ex-pat loner
My body is here but I’m dying to go home
Wishing that I could feel love again but I’ve been out of control and solo
Everything’s costing an arm and a leg, and a heart and a head
I’m ready for anything
Waiting for this to end
The glory on stage don’t last enough
Night after night still trying to catch that rush
They’re watching me hang myself for rounds of applause
Back in your town again like a half-assed Santa Claus with bags of merch at a truck stop whistling Christmas tunes at the gas pump
Feel like Pat and wanna quit rap and punk
Half my friends are dead from tragic accidents, bad habits and madness and the other half’s locked up
If I’m ever done from an airplane crash or drugs
Just call it what it was mufucka that Sad, Fat Luck
That’s Sad, Fat Luck
If you’ve gotta ask “what’s love?”
That’s Sad, Fat Luck
If you’re in a casket young
That’s Sad Fat Luck
And if you can’t stand this song
Here’s half a fuck
Been inhibited by the fact that I’m miserable and I don’t got any particular vision of living to build
In the middle of critical minutes wishing to feel the finish of quitting my physical when the moments were difficult
It’s ridiculous being so fucking overly cynical
When I’m really seeking pivotal change
Sickening to be acting like a typical man
Don’t remember the women that I’ve been sticking my dick into
Fully faking the funk and I feel the fucking is pitiful
What’s the apple I bit into?
Is the worm or the apple more sinful?
Man I’ve been faking the funk and I feel the fucking is pitiful
Run Lola run
Fast as you can
Please start again
I got the bends
Somebody fix my Radiohead
Without guns
Without meds
In reality I love you too much to want to be dragging you through mud in a Never Ending Story horse’s death
I’m forced to rest
Like oldest tortoises or crying Orbison
Divorce your gorgeousness
The most important things have been written then torn to shreds
Still mourn and wish that I was born equipped
It hurts us both, I think
Like growth of bones - it stings.


from Sad, Fat Luck, released April 4, 2019
Ceschi - Vocals
(recorded by Jeff Brown at Pyramid Octagon Thoth Temple of Prince Brizzleton the Sizzleton of Shreddonshire in West Haven, CT)
Factor Chandelier - Production & Mixing
Siul Hughes aka See All Hues - Backing raps &
hype noises (recorded by Jeff Brown)
Child Actor (Max Heath & Natalie Plaza) - Vocal manipulation & backup singing at Intro & Chorus
Danny T Levin - Horns (recorded in Los Angeles
at his house)
Jane Boxall - Vibraphone & Triangle & Clap (recorded by Bill Reedy at Bläzone Studios in New Haven)
Ben Dean - Violins (recorded by Ceschi at Casa de
Nonna in New Haven)
Taylor Jade - Backup singing on Sad Fat Luck parts
(recorded by Factor in Saskatoon)
There’s an ‘Ay’ somewhere sung by Factor


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