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This Guitar Was Stolen Along With Years Of Our Lives

by Ceschi

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1.
Long Shot 02:50
We’re all here searching for something, Something we’ll never get. If you’re still seeking perfection you’ll just Wind up with more regrets. I know that the road’s covered in glass I’ll walk any way Feet bleeding Down a precarious path Take a long shot on me Take a long shot on me Take a long shot There’s no such thing as a safe bet All we should expect is death But until the day that I fade away I’ll defend you my friend I know that the road’s covered in glass I’ll drive anyway Tires bursting Heart of mania & love Take a long shot on me I know that the road’s covered in glass I’ll run anyway Feet bleeding Painting every city red Take a long shot on me
2.
By this age i thought I’d be dead and gone I’m still figuring out what i fucking want Overworked but don’t have a job Paying rent but don’t have a home What does that freedom cost? Had a dream the other night that you were back alive i don’t even blame you for the way you died It’s a fucking chore sometimes Even attempting to survive When there’s no hope in sight I don’t know what it means to go slow and the speed is eating away at my soul But deep down I’m hoping I’ll grow old wish I could lie to you and say the world has changed That people became better since you left this place But it somehow just feels the same Another inCel killed immigrants to save his made-up white race And most days feel heavy from the weight of the world And the weight of this skin and fat and bone So I’m left here carving a space for myself Embracing the pain of this short existence I don’t know what it means to go slow and the speed is eating away at my soul But deep down I’m hoping I’ll grow old No i don’t want to hang myself today and i consider that a win No i don’t want to hang myself today and i consider that a win I remember when they prayed for you on the internet I remember when all those prayers came and went The next day we had one less friend humans cling onto anything when they’re feeling helpless There Are many days when I wish I had your guts and the beautiful way you didn’t give a fuck but it feels like sad fat luck That I’m even alive So I’m stuck accepting this present I don’t know what it means to go slow and the speed is eating away at my soul But deep down I’m hoping I’ll grow old No i don’t want to hang myself today and i consider that a win No i don’t want to hang myself today and i consider that a win
3.
Fought your way out of death so many times before You convinced us that you’d become invincible But now We’re left kissing your crown In a hospital Wondering if heaven’s at your fingertips Did you touch Heaven with your fingertips? Did some innocence return to you? Teenage tags by friends who are long gone Blanket the East bay Sometimes our scribbled names will survive Long after our bones decay Though the grays start to sprout around my face You’ll remain young in my brain Sweet & wild & childlike & brave too giant for a grave I wonder if heaven’s at your fingertips Did you touch Heaven with your fingertips? If you touched Heaven with your fingertips Did some innocence return to you?
4.
History’s made Then manipulated Then forgotten After being repeated Beaten into us endlessly Until we start believing that there’s no other option Until we start believing imprisonment is free Sometimes it’s hard to convince ourselves to keep fighting Sometimes it’s hard to convince ourselves to keep loving Sometimes it’s hard to convince ourselves to keep breathing One day we won’t They say “you teach a man to fish and he’ll gut you Meticulously & swift” With a “fuck you” ringing out through his lips “Used to love you” you think As blood pools up in your mouth Painting teeth crimson Fully Knowing that the buds on your tongue ain’t ever gonna taste freedom Or a nice meal again You’re not gonna get a bank bailout kid on your own Ever seen a heart of gold turn to stone ? Ever seen a good man sell his soul to a Fed Best friends to the end you were told Yeah ? On your own Nothing is taking away the pain of growth Nobody can step into your shoes and know Even When they try to imitate or clone Sometimes it’s hard to convince ourselves to keep fighting Sometimes it’s hard to convince ourselves to keep loving Sometimes it’s hard to convince ourselves to keep breathing One day we won’t Haven’t felt any fire in a while If you love me then please just engulf me in flames Nostalgia thick as Tarkovsky sitting on city hall steps in the rain Buttoned up polo in a court room Overpriced lawyer in a cheap suit Surely buddy had a lot of words to say until he got in front of a federal judge that day So i wanted to rip every inch of skin off of those slithering snake faces I’ve been holding back screams but the ptsd is just pounding away at me as if I’m still feeling gun barrels touching my temples been in therapy checking the mental But deep in the center of my chest Is nothingness As I stare into green eyes of a devil Their morals are malleable greed for power is palpable Watching prosecutors Play a twisted game for victory With the life of a human being Like monopoly Property or puzzles There’s no proper rebuttal It’s cough up the money up or Shut the fuck up Now your husband or father is stuck a muzzle with hundreds of dogs in a hole Only waiting to get thrown a bone While the wife’s working doubles In hopes that the bank won’t go and put a lien on their home Even after re-reading the history State violence leaves me in a state of disbelief Nothing hits a man harder than seeing his family in tears while he’s copping a plea Sometimes it’s hard to convince ourselves to keep fighting Sometimes it’s hard to convince ourselves to keep loving Sometimes it’s hard to convince ourselves to keep breathing One day we won’t
5.
If I Woke up 03:11
If i woke up If i woke up With a new face Would that be enough for you to forgive me For my mistakes ? Would that be enough for you To give me another break ? If i woke up If i woke up with a new brain One that’s not So self destructive Focused on nothing But death And pain If i woke up If i woke up With a new heart One That is flawlessly functioning pumping blood properly Not broken apart Would that help you find Some.... Some way to love me Again ? Would that help you find Some… Some way to love me Again ?
6.
2020 BC 07:50
Anyone absolutely certain that they understand everything  Hasn’t lived enough to know it’s impossible to come close.  Seek the good in humanity, right ?  Even if it’s a struggle most times  Is hate natural or were we trained to fight like some pitbulls ?  
 We’ve been locking jaws into each other’s backs well before Christ  
 Is That what it takes to survive ? Who taught us how to survive ? 
 Fuck your neighbor to survive  Eat your neighbor to survive  
 We were hiding our faces long before pandemics arrived  
 Many have broken backs working for some charismatic demigods  Who raised minimum wages to build company loyalty.  Watched their employees die left and right  Bosses profits grew off of lost lives  As they smiled for media commending philanthropy  
 We’ve been glorifying wealth and greed and sociopathy  It was packaged and sold to us as the American dream 
 Splintered working class people to weaken our communities   fed us our sibling’s meat and convinced us that it was healthy  
 Then told us that we were born free  We were born free  To kill each other as we please  We were born free  We were born free to spread incurable disease  
 So much history manipulated by mythology  
 The crowds are growing larger  Frothing at the mouth  Gasping for air  
 Dogs barking in unison  Bursting throats open  Though no one hears 
 We are all  entrapped by fear   Of satan and god and fascist billionaires  Of gangs, pedophiles and radicals with beards  
 It's Hard to calm down all of them  Reactionary friends  Making funeral arrangements  50 years before their deaths  
 I know it’s true  The world they knew  Has changed  And it’s strange  to face what’s new  
 We have been grossly underfed for domesticated pets Craving love and attention  Satisfaction’s hardly met  
 I know it’s true  The world we knew  Has changed  And it’s painful  to face what’s new  
 So Each Generation  Complains of the Youth  Saying things were much better then  Please Show more proof  
 Am i wasting my breath   Trying to Say Something ?  When apathy’s held me in  Captivity  With the rest of the pets  Growling at nothing  As long as we’re fed and entertained  We’ll sleep 
 Our brains all crave dopamine    Pounded by information shared endlessly  
 Between ephemeral memes,  Sexual fantasies,  Conspiracy theories,  Videos of bodies  that were Killed by police  trained to protect the power of ruling elites,  no justice on these streets,  Just more people screaming  screaming screaming !!!!! 
 Are we wasting our years  Putting faith in something  When we’ve always torn apart all that we’ve loved ? From our hearts to our arms  To movements  To families  To each other  To the planet we all live on  
 This ain’t no song about peace  Those are easy to sing  But hard to believe  
 It’s tough to trust human beings  But don’t blame us  For how we were trained to be  
We were only BORN free We were only born “free”
7.
Nod Off 02:46
What should this truth be ? Should i lie to you ? What should this truth be ? Something edited for the romance of it all The truth is that It can painful To be around you The truth is It’s hard to cry for dead homies when their living was torture I don’t have answers I don’t got no good advice Can’t write a song to keep you alive Would love the only thing in your arms to be me, not heroin If i could only convince you that life could be better than this Wish people would stop complimenting you every time that you lose more weight They tell you you’re so pretty but have no clue how your body got that way Just fall onto my stomach I’ll stop saying all these words And just be there For you to nod off on just be there For you to nod off on Remember in your teens when you found your father’s crack pipe ? The scent of chemicals lingers around you with your grandfather’s suicide how dare you fall in love with anybody When you can’t love your own life ?! how dare you fall in love with anybody at all If I had answers If I had some good advice Not sure that would even keep you alive Would love the only thing in your arms to be me, not heroin If i could only convince you that life could be better than this Wish people would stop complimenting you every time that you lose more weight They tell you you’re so pretty but have no clue how your body got that way Just fall onto my stomach I’ll stop saying all these words And just be there For you to nod off on
8.
For this one last trick Rip both of my lips off with a kiss Saw me in half Then send best wishes If this is growing Would Someone kindly teach me how to shrink, Sprout wings and fly through the Turbulence ? Blankly staring, Obsessing over all it could have been. Weddings and kids, lawn gnomes in gardens 3 thousand miles of mountains & silence between us now. The earth is on fire But we’re frozen stiff. Sorry! sorry! Repeat repeat repeat Hardly ever thinking about what that means Sorry! sorry! Deceit deceit deceit Give me an inch and I’ll destroy everything Give me an inch and I’ll destroy everything For this one last trick Chop me into bits Mold those pieces into something that’s somewhat functioning Teach me to live Teach me to forgive Teach me to think Teach me to not love what will kill me Sorry! sorry! Repeat repeat repeat Hardly ever thinking about what that means Sorry! sorry! Deceit deceit deceit Give me an inch and I’ll destroy everything Give me an inch and I’ll destroy everything
9.
Reminders 03:16
Sometimes it’s not so complicated Sometimes brightness won’t blind your eyes Even the grotesque can create beauty And death can remind us to survive Always thought I’d have to fight for love in this life Never noticed it was right by my side So until the day i die Promise I will try To keep living with my eyes open wide Sometimes it’s not so complicated things begin and they end Sometimes love’s not enough to keep us alive There’s breath then nothing Thank the trauma Thank the exorcisms Thank obstacles in our path Thank you all for the constant reminder of flaws Thank the pain of our past Always knew I’d have to fight for love in this life Even if it stood there right by my side So until the day I die Promise I will try To keep living with my Eyes open wide
10.
I was lucky to know you You made this world a better place I was lucky to love you You made my heart a better place When the anger finally flushed from my system And denial quietly walked out the room I was left alone with my thoughts Sweet, pretty, painful, bleak, dumb thoughts & realized I’d never be me without you That every moment shared was actually special From the mundane To your death day That made me too I was lucky to know you You made this world a better place I was lucky to love you You made my heart a better place

about

Pandemic years took so much from us. 
While the world was witnessing deaths of millions due to a highly contagious virus, most of the lives lost around me were to suicide & drugs. Faces i hadn’t been able to see for a long time no longer had faces & the final memories between us consisted of short text message check-ins, heart emojis or songs shared between friends struggling to come up with proper words to help each other wade through the swamps of our shared reality. 

The years also took away my ability to wrap up the final piece of the Sad, Fat Luck trilogy “Bring Us The Head of Francisco False”. With all scheduling with Factor thrown out the window - I felt trapped in a creative, personal & professional limbo. 

A lot of this guitar album was started shortly before & during lockdown while i lived in Glassell Park, east side of Los Ángeles. Across the country from my family, living in a house with my manager, her boyfriend & a lovely woman who understandably no longer wished to be a chronically depressed musician’s partner. Dreams turned to letdowns, the world was on fire, nothing happened as we had wished nor imagined. 
After our quiet, peaceful relationship disintegrated, I helped her move to Long Beach then mostly locked myself in a room, ordered excessive vegan food & played guitar like I was 13 years old and listening to In Utero for the first time. Time didn’t matter the way it used to. 
Not sure if it’s true, but it felt like I stayed in bed for weeks at a time on some Brian Wilson shit - between livestreams, reading or watching celebrities ruin the song “Imagine” on TV. It felt as if i was doing nothing. But, as it did in prison, nostalgia would slap me in heavy waves. The dreams were a little more vivid & memories of youth began to reappear clearly. 
I started to write songs that reminded me of simpler times, of the grunge, indie rock or punk of tween years. Songs that unearthed pain from youth that had not yet been confronted. 

I wrote & wrote - attempting to analyze what was happening around us in a world crumbling before our eyes. 

In one case it took me 7 months to finish a nearly 8 minute song about the domestication of humans by a manipulative, violent capitalist power structure.


I remember talking on the phone to Patrick the Rabbit about that concept - explaining that it felt more like a history essay and how I needed to somehow chisel it into a song. My minor obsession with the frightening lunacy surrounding the Q-Anon movement inspired me to finish that song. 

Then…there was writing about that everlasting fog of grief that still required clarity & understanding. 
Grief - that giant tortoise of a process - one that drags itself in & out of our hearts & minds until we ultimately find pockets of temporary relief within the harshness of existence. 

Heaven & Lucky were part of processing the deaths of dear friends. Nod Off was a reminder of multiple situations in my life, how badly it hurt to love an addict while feeling completely helpless watching them slowly kill themselves. 
Teach a Rat to Fish was specifically written for my good friends Bobby & Pepe who are in federal prison right now. 
I can go on and on but…
that’s the album you’re listening to…

When i drove across the country, numb, back to CT from LA - i set up recording sessions with Jon Conine who had recorded the split album with Pat. 
We started June 2020 with live takes, i would return and attempt to capture the best live takes until one struck. Jon Conine & Steve Hill were extremely patient during this process as I tried to record the same songs over & over week after week. The final pieces of the album were recorded in October 2021 with added help from Patrick Dalton before being meticulously mixed / post-produced by Baz The Frenchman in Los Ángeles then mastered by Michael J Collins of Filthybroke Recordings.

Processing, gratitude, reminders, growth in guitar song form…is what you’re listening to here. 
It would never have been complete without the cast of incredibly talented musicians I’m proud to call friends & family. 

So much has been taken from us…
But even the guitars stolen from me still live on records. 
It’s just a reminder that they’ll never take everything from us.

credits

released November 5, 2021

This Guitar Was Stolen Along With Years Of Our Lives

01. Long Shot
02. Consider It A Win
03. Heaven At Your Fingertips (feat. Anonymous Inc)
04. Teach A Rat To Fish
05. If I Woke up
06. 2020 BC
07. Nod Off
08. Give Me an Inch (feat. Child Actor & Anonymous Inc)
09. Reminders
10. Lucky To Know

Written, performed & produced by Julio Francisco “Ceschi" Ramos

All Mixing / POST-production by Baz “The Frenchman” (bazthefrenchman.com)

Recorded by Jon Conine & Steve Hill at Birds Eye Studios, West Haven, CT between June 2020 - October 2021

Mastered by Michael J Collins aka Filthybroke MJC (fbrmastering.com)

Artwork by Andy McAlpine (andymcalpine.com)

Ceschi Ramos - vocals / guitar / drums on tracks 5 & 10 / bass on tracks 1, 4, 10
David Ramos - drums on tracks 2,3,7 & 8
Max Heath - piano / synths on tracks 3, 4, 5, 8 backing vocals on 3
Danny T Levin - horns on tracks 1, 2, 8 & 10
Jane Boxall - vibraphone on tracks 3,4,5,8,9 & marimba on track 8
Alexandra Burnet - banjo on tracks 2, 4 & 5
Adam Matlock - accordion on tracks 2, 4, 5 & 10
Emmett Glancie - strings on tracks 1 & 4
Vechel Jaynes - bass on tracks 7 & 8
Jon Conine - bass on tracks 2,3 & 5
Baz - electric guitar on tracks 8 & 10
Natalie Plaza - vocals on track 8
Stephany Brown - vocals on track 2


Additional Recording :
Vibraphone & Accordion tracks recorded by Patrick Dalton at Sans Serif Studios, New Haven, CT (sansserifrec.com)

Horns self recorded by Danny T Levin (mushroomstamp.com)

Strings self recorded by Emmett Glancie (trappedbymusic.com)

Additional Pianos, Synths & Vocals self recorded by Max Heath & Natalie Plaza of Child Actor

Banjo recorded at Bläzone Studios, New Haven

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Fake Four Inc. New Haven, Connecticut

Fake Four Inc. is a record label based in New Haven, CT that specializes in experimental hip hop, indie pop and anything else we like.

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